
When I was twelve or thirteen I went to the T-shirt counter at McCrory’s dime store, in the Columbia Mall, and had them print me up a custom one, using heat-transfer letters and a steam press…

I don’t know what a woman needs to do to impel a perfect stranger to inform her in the grocery store that she is a really good mom. Perhaps perform an emergency tracheotomy with a Bic pen on her eldest child while simultaneously nursing her infant and buying two weeks’ worth of healthy but appealing breaktime snacks for the entire cast of Lion King, Jr.

I slid the first record from its sleeve, touching only the label, and eased it like a pan of nitro onto the black rubber turntable pad. I pushed the chunky button, and the gears engaged with a whirr, and like a sentient thing the tonearm lowered the stylus right into the outermost groove of the record.

There may never again be a tedium so wretched and marvelous as that produced by television in the heyday of the aerial.

“Promise me that you will never do this to a girlfriend, when you have a girlfriend. If you say that you are going to call her, you have to call her.”

The future, by definition, does not exist. It is always just an idea, a proposal, a scenario.

…and all that I needed to effect the change was to fasten a terry-cloth beach towel around my neck…